After days of feeling as low as only mental illness can bring you, this morning suddenly something hit me. There was no way I could simply eliminate the negative energy that was filling me. I could have waited for it to pass, but I wasn’t able to read or do anything with it, it had become… Continue reading Creativity and Vulnerability.
Today I feel like I can’t take it anymore. Depression is hitting hard, anxiety and panic are pretty quiet. I never thought I would say it, but I miss anxiety and panic now. At least they made me feel alive. I still saw a light at the end of the tunnel. I felt that even… Continue reading Drowning in a Bad Day.
Sometimes it gets really hard for people suffering from mental illness to explain what we are going through, even to the people who matter the most in our life. It can be because we are afraid of not being understood, or being judged, or we just can’t find the right words.
It’s eating me alive. I have no more strength to fight back. My stomach is empty, and yet I can’t eat. I’m so tired, but I can’t sleep. I don’t have anything to do during my day, but I can’t focus on anything. I don’t know what I like. I don’t know what I want… Continue reading Eating and Being Eaten.
This morning I wrote a blog post, an update on how my monster is evolving. Then I deleted it all by mistake. When I went through my drafts I found this post instead, written a couple of weeks ago as an update of this other one. It’s not really the best thing I have ever… Continue reading Take Your Judgmental Eyes Off Me, You. I Mean… Me.
While I try to find my way in life, a new wave of mental disorder hit me. I definitely was not expecting this to happen. After my panic attacks passed, I thought I was free. I thought I had learnt how to elaborate my emotions, that I had rationalized and understood all that there was… Continue reading My New Monster.
When people find out that I have been spending a total of six months a year in Rio de Janeiro for the last couple of years, they always open their mouths in amazement. The “O” shape of their open mouth gets even wider when they realise I have virtually no photographic trace of my lengthy… Continue reading Pictures of Rio de Janeiro? No, Thanks.